ASTRONOMICAL

by Larry Boisen

From Alan Keller
To Kenneth Williams
Date 2.12.11, 05 52 UTC

Hi Kenny

I’ve got great news. I put the final touches on my stargazing invention. I call it “Stellaropticon." I can hone in on just one star in a galaxy and determine its elemental make-up, no great surprises there so far, mostly the expected hydrogen, ferrous oxide and very little carbon or oxygen, but a few stars show signs of some primitive life forms. It’s probably not like your garden variety asparagus, but at least I am finding some life forms, and I’m convinced that I’ll find some more advanced forms yet. This is really exciting. It’s a shame that you’re practically a galaxy away from me yourself.

Well, I’ll keep you up to date as I find out more.

Bye
Alan


From Kenneth Williams
To Alan Keller
Date 2.12.11, 18 11 UTC

Hi Alan

Congrats, awesome, man! Yeah, I wish I weren’t here in Chicago and you in Pasadena, but maybe I can arrange a trip out your way in the next few months.

There’s nothing exciting going on here unless you’re into icebergs, brrr!

I can’t wait until you make the big discovery. Big Foot on some distant planet, or maybe there’s an alien Einstein out there.

Keep me posted
Kenny


From Alan Keller
To Kenneth Williams
Date 3.08.11, 13 24 UTC

Kenny

This is incredible! It’s really happened; I’ve honed in on some galaxy with obvious advanced life forms. They are actually corresponding with me, or maybe it’s just “he,” but I don’t think so. From what I can understand so far it’s a whole society. We’re still learning to decode each other’s languages, but this is no plodding Yeti that I’m dealing with; that’s for sure. They are asking me so many questions in their probe. I really think they’re going to try to come here. How’s that for a pen pal, huh, pal? Hey, can you imagine me the official ambassador to the stars, wow! Fame and fortune await me.

Well, I have to go. This is consuming all my time. I don’t want to miss a thing. I’ll let you know whether anything startling develops.

Alan


From Kenneth Williams
To Alan Keller
Date 3.08.11, 14 22 UTC

Alan

Wow! You’re going to be in the history books. I asked at work about taking a week off in April. How does that sound? You don’t need to put me up, I’ll stay at any motel. I just want to be a part of all this.

Kenny


From Alan Keller
To Kenneth Williams
Date 3.15.11, 01 15 UTC

Oh my God, what did I get myself into? The aliens, they’re called the Fustians have just about taken over control of all my electrical power, and they’re on their way to Earth with a massive armada. We’re all going to become their slaves. I don’t know how much time I have. I hope this message #%*////