By Sandy Kamen Wisniewski
Twenty-two years ago today I had my first child. If you would have asked me what I remember most of those early days I would without a doubt say: lack of sleep and the never-ending, walk-around-like-a-zombie fatigue that went with it. Oh how I remembered that. It was by far the one thing I disliked most about those early years with my kids. But just as I got used to a steady rhythm of eight luscious hours of cozy a night I came face to face with the same old challenge yet again when I looked into the brown eyes of my dimple-faced newborn grandson Danny.
That was three years ago. Yesterday I went out to dinner with a girl friend whose child is nearly 21 years old. We went to Olive Garden, a local restaurant, that’s food is consistent and tasty and the décor pleasant and cozy - all-important qualities this tired parent needs in scarce time away from a toddler. My hair was frizzy, I had bags under my eyes and was quite disheveled, especially next to my ever-so-perky friend who hasn’t missed a wink in over a decade and a half. She kept looking at me with concern and asking me over and over again, “are you okay?”
Was I okay? My foggy brain had to think that through the first time around. “Well,” I told her, “I have a three-year-old at home. So I’m tired.” That didn’t seem to satisfy her. So she asked again and again. I must have really looked like crap.
The following morning she texted me, “Are you feeling better today?” I wanted to say, ‘Do you remember when your child was little? Obviously not. Ask me every day and I will likely say the same: I’m tired! I am not sick or depressed, I just have a three-year-old!’
Oh how I wish I knew other grandmother’s raising grandchildren to commiserate with! Observing parents from afar, their faces remind me of mine the first time around. Their expressions are a combination of innocence, fatigue, vague happiness and hope. I sometimes see determination, idealism and a longing for something else. I feel like a wise old woman next to them, even though I am only 44.
Parenting, I would say to them, is so very difficult, especially if one tries to do right, and even then much is out of your control, especially the older a child gets. Who children become ultimately falls on them no matter how hard you try and letting go begins the moment they enter this world. But I would never say that to new parents because they walk around mostly with blinders on and frankly I don’t want to be considered the barer of bad news. Well, it’s not really bad news but factual and not so bad if you just come to terms with it.
Twenty-two years ago today I had my first child. Today is my daughter’s birthday - Danny’s mother. God willing, I have another two decades of parenting ahead of me. I’m braced for the challenges, will do my best, will love many, many aspects of it but YES I AM TIRED!!!!!
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